The Tony “Tone” Vega Beer Money Foundation

OK my homies and homettes, I don’t want to come across as an asshole, a dick or even a motherfucker, but trust me when I tell you, that living in New York City for 41 years and working and paying taxes for 33, has taught me a lot about not helping others. AGAIN! Don’t look at me as an asshole, a dick or a motherfucker… YET! … hear me out first. Then you can throw your shit at me.

Anybody that uses public transportation here in New York City, specially the train, knows that there’s not one day that goes by, that they will not encounter someone asking for money. My problem??? That the shit is getting old! It’s at a point, that most of them are using the same fucking lame excuses.

For example, the veteran, now a days everybody and their mother is a veteran. The person who lost everything to a fire, if I was to keep count, the entire city should have been burned to the grown. The one who is trying to get back home… Why did you leave your home in the first place??? And my favorite one, and trust me, you are sure gonna get a kick out of this one… The person who needs money to travel around the country… REALLY??? REALLY MOTHERFUCKER?

So, now that I got the real scammers out of your way boys and girls, would you be so kind as to visit my GoFundMe page and donate for a good cause… My beer money!

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Hump, Hump Awaaay!

Good morning and happy hump day my homies and homettes. I hope that whatever time zone you are in, in this crazy rock traveling at 67,000 mph around the sun, you have, are, or will be enjoying your day to the fullest.

Always remember, that no matter how hard shit gets, you can always use a laxative… or even better, a scented enema. But make sure that it is an organic enema, because you sure don’t want to get in trouble with them people… You know… “The Green Police”.

With that said… I am Audi 5000 y’all!

A Fucked-Up Day!

Good morning and happy Tuesday my homies and homettes, I hate to complain so early in the morning, but to be honest with you, today is going to be a FUCKED-UP! and I mean FUCKED-UP! day at the salt mines. I’m doing what I love to do… working on email and faxes, but due to some unfortunate incident last week. Between you and I “a management fuck up”, we are backed up on work. 

Don’t get me wrong, I get paid to do my job and I love doing it. As a matter of fact, I get along with all of my co-workers here and they all know that I am a team player. I even go the extra mile, by setting up their printers and fixing their computers when they ask me. But the thing with me is, that I don’t like cleaning up other people’s shit. Especially when it’s management’s shit that I have to clean up, because of their lack of knowledge, incompetence and unwillingness to learn. You see, the shit that annoys the living shit out of me is, that when management fucks up, it’s fine and dandy. But when the rest of us fuck up, it’s world war III. 

One thing that I never do, and no one should do, is bring my personal problems to the salt mines and or take my work problems home. Now that shit don’t go with me. Other than that, life sucks and then some, but I’m glad that I’m not pushing up daisies and I have a job that pays the bills.

With that said… I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Happy Loner

To be lonely and to be a loner, are two different things. You see, even though I have a family and a small group of friends, I am a loner. And trust me, I like it that way. The thing is, that I enjoy, embrace, cherish and like my alone time, because I get to do things that people in my life don’t like or are simply not into. Plus, I get to think, analyze and look at things that are going on in my life, all while not being distracted by all the noise from others.

As a matter of fact, people who don’t know me, might feel sorry for me, because most Saturday and Sunday mornings, they see me at around 7:30 am having breakfast by myself at the local McDonald, while listening to music on my headphones and typing away like a crazy person on my laptop. The thing is, that no matter what others believe or think, every weekend I look forward to having my alone time.

With that said, I am Audi 5000!

Quality Family Time

OK my homies and homettes, yesterday, my wife and kids made sure that I was busy like a motherfucker the whole day. As a matter of fact, I left home at around 10:00 am and didn’t get back until around 7:30 pm. Don’t get me wrong now, I did enjoy the quality time with my wife and kids to the fullest, and I would never change that for anything in the world.

Another positive that came out of being busy was, that I didn’t have time to think about doing any weekend binge drinking. As a matter of fact, my peeps, I almost forgot to mention, that today is my 44th alcohol-free day… WOO-HOO my motherfuckers! Since I’ve never clicked with AA, my shrink wants me to look for another stupid program, in order to stay “sober”, but to be honest, I’m doing just fine on my own.

With that said… I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Happy Saturday my homies and homettes, I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest. But as always, don’t let no madafacker fuck it up for you, no matter what goes down.

As for your majesty??? Today I am happy to say, that I have been alcohol-free for 1 month and 13 days… OK OK OK OK OK, I’ll do the fucking math for you dumb ass preschool dropout madafakas out there! That’s a total of 43 days!… There, are you fucking happy now? Do you want a tooty fruity scented enema to go with that too?

Anyways, I really don’t know what “The Mother Of My Children”, aka “La Jefa”, aka “The Boss”, aka “The Love Of My life”, aka “The Wife”, aka “My Wife” has planned for me today, so right now right now, the only thing on my agenda is, to drive over to The Bronx and do a favor for “my little 29 year old princess”, aka “My Daughter”.

But like I’ve always said, married men can’t make plans… because their better halves are always there to fuck them up for them.

With that said… I am Audi 5000 y’all!

October’s Mental Health Session

OK, my homies and homettes, after a little over a month without seeing my shrink Dr. C, yesterday I was finally able to see him. The first thing that he said was, that he was happy that I have been “sober” for over a month. He then went on to ask me, how have I been able to do it? And what was different this time around? Since he knows that I have never been able to click with AA, I told him straight out, that I haven’t been to a meeting.

I did explain to him, that what has changed is, my perspective on life and how I have been handling things. I have come to terms, with the notion, that no matter what I do, when shit is going to happen in life… it is going to happen.

Another thing that I told him was, that I have come to accept, that I can change my feelings, behavior and way of thinking, but I can’t make the people around me change… even if their lives depended on it. By understanding that, and looking at life from that perspective, I feel more relaxed. The truth is, that family and friends will always do whatever the fuck they want to do, but once they fuck up, they can’t blame others, but themselves.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!