After The Salt Mines

Good morning and TGIF kids. I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest. Remember, we are just a few hours away from starting our weekend. So don’t let no asshole fuck it up for you no matter what happens… Learn to just walk away… Just walk… away. 

As for me? I’m just up to my usual, putting in 8 hours of hard labor at the salt mines. Then when everything is said and done, I’ll run home like a crazy person, get naked, put on my pink Speedo and pink flip flops, rub butter all over my body and run around the apartment yelling out… “I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE!”. LMMFAO! I bet you madafakas would love to see that shit. But guess what? It ain’t happening, because when I get home, I’m just going to be chilling like a villain. 

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

The Celebrity Mental Illness Bullshit

Good morning and Happy Sunday kids. I hope that even though most of you, just like me, hate Sundays because it means that we are heading on back to the salt mines tomorrow, enjoy your day to the fullest.

As for me? I’ve been trying to figure this one out. How can a celebrity that keeps fucking up time and time again. Gets arrested driving drunk or high multiple times. Gets diagnosed with a mental illness overnight. Goes to rehab before his/her next court hearing. Then suddenly, is a mental health advocate with thousands of supporters? Meanwhile, people like you and I, who have been dealing with mental illness for most of our lives, are left to fend on our own? I mean, really? I don’t get it.

QUESTION: If you have to unnecessarily spend $100.00 to save $10.00, did you actually save anything?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

A Fucked Up Hangover

Good morning and happy Monday kids. I hope that you are enjoy your day to the fullest.

As for me? I did drink on Friday night, so on Saturday, I felt like shit the entire day, from a really fucked up hangover. So, to be honest, that is that for my drinking.  I really can’t deal with the hangovers anymore. As a matter of fact, since I hit my mid 40’s, I’ve noticed that I’ve been hating the hangovers more and more. So, for my Thanksgiving weekend, I’m just chilling like a villain. No fucking drinking for me.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Happy Saturday my homies and homettes, I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest. But as always, don’t let no madafacker fuck it up for you, no matter what goes down.

As for your majesty??? Today I am happy to say, that I have been alcohol-free for 1 month and 13 days… OK OK OK OK OK, I’ll do the fucking math for you dumb ass preschool dropout madafakas out there! That’s a total of 43 days!… There, are you fucking happy now? Do you want a tooty fruity scented enema to go with that too?

Anyways, I really don’t know what “The Mother Of My Children”, aka “La Jefa”, aka “The Boss”, aka “The Love Of My life”, aka “The Wife”, aka “My Wife” has planned for me today, so right now right now, the only thing on my agenda is, to drive over to The Bronx and do a favor for “my little 29 year old princess”, aka “My Daughter”.

But like I’ve always said, married men can’t make plans… because their better halves are always there to fuck them up for them.

With that said… I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Excuse Me! Your Monkey Is On My Back!

Happy Friday my homies and homettes. Depending in which part of this boring, crazy, insane and weird planet of ours you are located, I hope that you have enjoyed, are enjoying or are about to enjoy it to the fullest. Remember, don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

As for me, I don’t have any special plans for the beginning of my crazy weekend. But as usual, I’m just getting ready to head on out to the salt mines for a day of hard labor. The only difference to Monday through Thursday is, that I technically get paid today. The fucked up part of it is, that the direct deposit won’t hit my bank account until around 2:00 am Saturday morning. So that only means one thing, that there won’t be any drinking for YOUR pesky monkey on my back and I, until we could drive to the bank at the break of dawn. (Hey, in today’s society, we don’t blame ourselves, we blame others for our fuck ups).