Why You Mad Tho’?

Good morning and TGIF boys and girls. I hope that no matter what goes down, you enjoy your day to the fullest. Remember, life sucks, and then some. Just be grateful that you are still here to read another one of my boring, crazy, stupid and weird blog posts.

As for me? The usual, I’m just getting ready to start a day of hard labor at the salt mines. But hey, what the fuck, at least it pays the bills and gives me a few extra dollars to spend on beer and hookers. LMFAO! You see,that’s the reason why my wife of 33 years gets pissed off at me sometimes… because of my sense of humor.

What I have tried to explain to my wife like a million times is, that at an early age, after my father picked up all his shit and left the family without saying shit and while nobody was at home. After there were times when we didn’t know when our next meal was going to be. After we were broke as broke could be. After I almost went through a nervous breakdown when I was a teenager. I learned to deal with life’s bullshit through humor, specially my self-deprecating sense of humor.

You see, the reason why I’m always saying that life is fucked up and then some, but that it will eventually get better, is because of some of the shit that I have been through. Now, what I try not to do, is live in the past. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes my mind takes me back, but I try not to get stuck there. As a matter of fact, I’m not mad at my past, because things that happen to me in the past, made me who I am today.

QUESTION: If I shake a pregnant hen enough, will she lay scrambled eggs?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

A Tasteless World

Good morning and happy Thursday boys and girls. As always, I hope that wherever you are in this crazy rock we call planet earth, you enjoy your day to the fullest. 

As for me? I’ve been trying to find a store, where I can buy food that is sugar free, salt free, gluten free, alcohol free, cage free, egg free, shellfish free, fish free, tree nuts free, soy free, spice free, food coloring free, carb free, cholesterol free, fat free, wheat free, protein free, milk free, hormone free, peanut free, lactose free, dolphin free and any other shit free. As long as it tastes like chicken, I’m OK with it.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!