Feeling Like Shit

Good morning and happy Tuesday kids. I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

As for me? For no reason at all, on my way to the salt mines this morning, I felt like SHIT! Yep, you read that right, like SHIT! As a matter of fact, I fought hard with my mind, in order to be able to write this post. But no worries kids, it comes with the territory… you know, dealing with Bipolar II, OCD and depression.

The good news is, that after listening to some pick me up House music on my headphones and having breakfast, right now I’m feeling better. As a matter of fact, a couple of nights ago, I decided to go back on my crazy meds Buspirone and Prozac. The thing is, that I feel that for a couple of weeks, I have been on a mental roller coaster. So I’m going to see how that goes. Fingers crossed.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

The Celebrity Mental Illness Bullshit

Good morning and Happy Sunday kids. I hope that even though most of you, just like me, hate Sundays because it means that we are heading on back to the salt mines tomorrow, enjoy your day to the fullest.

As for me? I’ve been trying to figure this one out. How can a celebrity that keeps fucking up time and time again. Gets arrested driving drunk or high multiple times. Gets diagnosed with a mental illness overnight. Goes to rehab before his/her next court hearing. Then suddenly, is a mental health advocate with thousands of supporters? Meanwhile, people like you and I, who have been dealing with mental illness for most of our lives, are left to fend on our own? I mean, really? I don’t get it.

QUESTION: If you have to unnecessarily spend $100.00 to save $10.00, did you actually save anything?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

I’m Not Going Crazy… YET!

OK my homies and homettes, I haven’t been keeping track, but it has been a little over a month since I last took my crazy meds, and to be honest, I feel fucking great. Even when I saw my shrink last week, I didn’t say shit to him, because I feel that I know my brain better than anybody else… well… at least sometimes.

Since I’ve suffered from OCD as far back as I can remember, in the past couple of weeks, I have been able to manage it pretty good. Don’t get me wrong now, I had a couple of Bipolar II hypomanic episodes in the past… as a matter of fact, that’s how we found out that I was bipolar. I really don’t know if I should go back on them, since I’ve been doing so good. But that’s something that I will figure out in time.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

October’s Mental Health Session

OK, my homies and homettes, after a little over a month without seeing my shrink Dr. C, yesterday I was finally able to see him. The first thing that he said was, that he was happy that I have been “sober” for over a month. He then went on to ask me, how have I been able to do it? And what was different this time around? Since he knows that I have never been able to click with AA, I told him straight out, that I haven’t been to a meeting.

I did explain to him, that what has changed is, my perspective on life and how I have been handling things. I have come to terms, with the notion, that no matter what I do, when shit is going to happen in life… it is going to happen.

Another thing that I told him was, that I have come to accept, that I can change my feelings, behavior and way of thinking, but I can’t make the people around me change… even if their lives depended on it. By understanding that, and looking at life from that perspective, I feel more relaxed. The truth is, that family and friends will always do whatever the fuck they want to do, but once they fuck up, they can’t blame others, but themselves.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!