My Saturday Morning Special

Good morning and happy Saturday kids. Remember, that just a simple good morning, hello, how are you doing or a smile, can make someone’s day. I’m going to tell you the same thing that I tell my 29-year-old daughter and my 25-year-old son, when they are heading on out to the salt mines in the morning… Remember, play nice.

As for me? I just finished walking and feeding my fur baby, doing some dishes from last night and sweeping the floor, before my wife wakes up. YES, YES, YES, and YES, my wife has done an excellent job at house training me. As a matter of fact, I think that now that I’m 50, she should write a book about the subject, and I already have some title ideas like, “Old men can learn new tricks” or better yet, “Old men can jump… when told”.

Other than that, my Saturday will be as usual. Drive around with my wife while we run some errands, do some shopping and deal with the unexpected. But no worries kids, I always enjoy and look forward, to the alone time that I spend with my wife. To me, it’s something special.

QUESTION: If I save a fart in a bottle, how would I know when it goes bad?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Why You Mad Tho’?

Good morning and TGIF boys and girls. I hope that no matter what goes down, you enjoy your day to the fullest. Remember, life sucks, and then some. Just be grateful that you are still here to read another one of my boring, crazy, stupid and weird blog posts.

As for me? The usual, I’m just getting ready to start a day of hard labor at the salt mines. But hey, what the fuck, at least it pays the bills and gives me a few extra dollars to spend on beer and hookers. LMFAO! You see,that’s the reason why my wife of 33 years gets pissed off at me sometimes… because of my sense of humor.

What I have tried to explain to my wife like a million times is, that at an early age, after my father picked up all his shit and left the family without saying shit and while nobody was at home. After there were times when we didn’t know when our next meal was going to be. After we were broke as broke could be. After I almost went through a nervous breakdown when I was a teenager. I learned to deal with life’s bullshit through humor, specially my self-deprecating sense of humor.

You see, the reason why I’m always saying that life is fucked up and then some, but that it will eventually get better, is because of some of the shit that I have been through. Now, what I try not to do, is live in the past. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes my mind takes me back, but I try not to get stuck there. As a matter of fact, I’m not mad at my past, because things that happen to me in the past, made me who I am today.

QUESTION: If I shake a pregnant hen enough, will she lay scrambled eggs?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Unpurposed Purpose

Good morning and happy Thursday boys and girls. If your life really sucks right now, don’t worry, just sit down and watch a sitcom, for decades, they have been tackling and solving every life problem imaginable in under thirty minutes.

As for me? Due to my OCD, most of my life I have overanalyzed anything and everything. So, every now and then, since my OCD likes to fuck with me, it changes the flavor of the month. Guess what’s the flavor this month? My purpose in life. Yeap, you read that right. I have been down this road many times before, and from time to time, it does get to me. The thing is, that I personally believe that the whole purpose bullshit is overrated.

But hey, as you might have learned by now, I’m no Einstein, Hawking or Tesla. So maybe, just maybe, my purpose right now right now, might be to be here posting this boring, crazy, insane and weird blog post.

QUESTION: How much chocolate is fed to each brown cow, for it to produce good quality chocolate milk?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Evaporated Cows

Good morning and happy hump day boys and girls! I hope that no matter what goes down, you enjoy your day to the fullest. Just before you know it, the week will be over. So, don’t worry, we are halfway through the battle, just hold on to your Wonder Woman panties.

As for me? I decided to put on hold the autobiography that I mentioned on yesterday’s post and start a new one that I receive last night. I’m not going to get into details, because I don’t’ want you to fall asleep so early in the day. But I think that I will really enjoy it, since to some extent, I can relate to the author. Other than that, I came back to the salt mine for more punishment.

QUESTION: Is evaporated milk obtained through the process of evaporating cows?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

I Read Before I Talk

Good morning and happy Tuesday my homies and homettes. I hope that no matter what is thrown your way, you enjoy your day to the fullest. Just keep your eyes on the price and charge forward with all your strength. Pay no mind to assholes and dicks, they are just a little distraction in life.

As for me? Well… even though I don’t consider myself a bookworm and I might not go around with a giant megaphone letting the world know, I really enjoy reading autobiographies of people who for one reason or another, I find interesting. I have read a couple already, but don’t get it all twisted now, only because I read them, doesn’t mean that I’m running back to college or starting my own business. It’s just that I find it so interesting and intriguing, how someone’s idea and perseverance, turns into something so successful. I especially like the rags to riches autobiographies, but anything that will keep my crazy and curious mind busy will do.

Just yesterday, I started reading That Will Never Work: The Birth of Netflix and the Amazing Life of an Idea” by Netflix co-founder and first CEO Marc Randolph. But don’t worry kids, I won’t be boring you to death with daily book updates and shit… My everyday boring posts are enough punishment for you. Bwahahahahaha!

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

I’m Not Depressed… Today!

Good afternoon and happy Monday my homies and homettes. Due to the veteran’s day holiday, I am off from the salt mines. That only means one thing… That I am home, chilling like a villain. So as usual, enjoy your day to the fullest and make sure that nobody fucks it up for you no matter what goes down. 

First things first my peeps. Yesterday I didn’t post, because it was one of those days, when for no reason at all, I felt down and like shit. In other words, depressed as hell. But no worries, I can assure you, that today I am feeling way fucking better. 

Another thing that you might have noticed about this here boring, crazy, insane and weird blog of mine is, that I took off most of the pictures and GIF from previous posts. The reason for that is, that from the get go, I have been paying yearly for a personal WordPress plan, in order to remove the ads and get 6 gigabytes of storage space. So, since I’m not planning on making any money with my blog, because I only use it as a kind of personal therapy, I have to try and save all the gigabytes that I can. Other than that, is business as usual.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Grooming Day

Nino at the vet, waiting to get groomed.

Good afternoon and happy Saturday my homies and homettes. I hope that you are enjoying your day to the fullest. Always keep in mind, that no matter how fucked up life is, eventually it will get better. Plus, nobody gets out alive anyway! So, why go crazy over every little shit that you can’t control?

As for me, I was supposed to get a haircut this morning, but instead, I decided to leave it for tomorrow morning and drive my furry baby Nino to the vet, to get groomed. I know that sometimes I might come across as an asshole, but I always put family first, and my baby Nino is the youngest of them all.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!