After The Salt Mines

Good morning and TGIF kids. I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest. Remember, we are just a few hours away from starting our weekend. So don’t let no asshole fuck it up for you no matter what happens… Learn to just walk away… Just walk… away. 

As for me? I’m just up to my usual, putting in 8 hours of hard labor at the salt mines. Then when everything is said and done, I’ll run home like a crazy person, get naked, put on my pink Speedo and pink flip flops, rub butter all over my body and run around the apartment yelling out… “I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE!”. LMMFAO! I bet you madafakas would love to see that shit. But guess what? It ain’t happening, because when I get home, I’m just going to be chilling like a villain. 

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

The Stop Drinking Pill

Good morning and happy Thursday kids. I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest and remember, a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Don’t believe me? Just look around at the smartphone zombies… Now that is some scary shit right there.

As for me? Yesterday I had my November session with my shrink, and he was not very happy with me. OK, this is the deal. He was OK with me drinking on my 50th birthday, but he wasn’t OK with me drinking last Saturday night… even though I didn’t binge like I usually do. So, we had a long discussion, and we decided that I should go on a med, that will help me with my drinking. As a matter of fact, I had a thing happening on Saturday, so that means that I won’t be attending, because there is going to be some drinking going on, and I know myself.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

The Hungry Kid

Good morning and happy hump day boys and girls. I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest, and that you don’t take your meals for granted. I remember that when I was a kid, and didn’t want to eat what my mother cooked, she reminded me, that there were children going hungry in other countries. As a matter of fact, for the past few months, I’ve found myself saying the same thing to others.

As for me? Yesterday on my way home from the salt mines, while waiting on the train station platform, out of all the people there, a 13 to 14 years old kid approached me, and asked me for a dollar to buy something to eat. I didn’t think twice, before reaching into my pocket and giving him my last two dollars. He said thank you and walked away. The kid had his hair cut, was clean and had a backpack, as a matter of fact, he looked like a school kid. He didn’t look like a street kid or a drug addict.

As he walked away, the only thing that I hoped was, that whatever it is, that is going on in his life, he gets through it. I wished that I could have given him more money, but that was all that I had on me. Even as I wrote this post, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Feeling Like Shit

Good morning and happy Tuesday kids. I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let nobody fuck it up for you no matter what goes down.

As for me? For no reason at all, on my way to the salt mines this morning, I felt like SHIT! Yep, you read that right, like SHIT! As a matter of fact, I fought hard with my mind, in order to be able to write this post. But no worries kids, it comes with the territory… you know, dealing with Bipolar II, OCD and depression.

The good news is, that after listening to some pick me up House music on my headphones and having breakfast, right now I’m feeling better. As a matter of fact, a couple of nights ago, I decided to go back on my crazy meds Buspirone and Prozac. The thing is, that I feel that for a couple of weeks, I have been on a mental roller coaster. So I’m going to see how that goes. Fingers crossed.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

DOA Around The Block

Good afternoon and happy Monday boys and girls. I know it really sucks getting back to the grind on Monday, but hey… it is what it is. Plus, it pays the bills and keeps the collectors away.

As for me? Yesterday, death was literally around the corner from home. A New Jersey man was found dead in his double-parked car. When my wife and I went outside to investigate, the cops and the ambulance were already at the scene, and had put up the dreaded white sheets to cover the deceased. There was no sign of foul play, so I can only say that it looked like he died of natural causes, but hey, I’m not medical examiner.

What keeps going around my mind, are the many people that worry so much about how they look, what others think or say about them, how much wealth and or fame they have. And then… they just die. That’s the reason why I try to play nice with others, because in the end, nobody makes out alive.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

The Celebrity Mental Illness Bullshit

Good morning and Happy Sunday kids. I hope that even though most of you, just like me, hate Sundays because it means that we are heading on back to the salt mines tomorrow, enjoy your day to the fullest.

As for me? I’ve been trying to figure this one out. How can a celebrity that keeps fucking up time and time again. Gets arrested driving drunk or high multiple times. Gets diagnosed with a mental illness overnight. Goes to rehab before his/her next court hearing. Then suddenly, is a mental health advocate with thousands of supporters? Meanwhile, people like you and I, who have been dealing with mental illness for most of our lives, are left to fend on our own? I mean, really? I don’t get it.

QUESTION: If you have to unnecessarily spend $100.00 to save $10.00, did you actually save anything?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

My Saturday Morning Special

Good morning and happy Saturday kids. Remember, that just a simple good morning, hello, how are you doing or a smile, can make someone’s day. I’m going to tell you the same thing that I tell my 29-year-old daughter and my 25-year-old son, when they are heading on out to the salt mines in the morning… Remember, play nice.

As for me? I just finished walking and feeding my fur baby, doing some dishes from last night and sweeping the floor, before my wife wakes up. YES, YES, YES, and YES, my wife has done an excellent job at house training me. As a matter of fact, I think that now that I’m 50, she should write a book about the subject, and I already have some title ideas like, “Old men can learn new tricks” or better yet, “Old men can jump… when told”.

Other than that, my Saturday will be as usual. Drive around with my wife while we run some errands, do some shopping and deal with the unexpected. But no worries kids, I always enjoy and look forward, to the alone time that I spend with my wife. To me, it’s something special.

QUESTION: If I save a fart in a bottle, how would I know when it goes bad?

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!